Friday, December 23, 2005

Fri, 23 Dec 2005 03:53:49 GMT

Well, I'm not moving out Apparently, the tenant changed his mind and renewed his lease or whatever agreement they had, and those buttfaces prefer dudes cuz they can help shovel snow or w/e the hell... I guess it's cool. Everyone kept telling me it was a bad idea from the start so ehh, whatever...

I can't wait for my birthday!! Strip club or bar? I mean it's no Mohegan Sun but at least I'll be with people I can stand lmao. Besides, I might be going to Vegas in April!

I'm at a good place now. I absolutely love Simone and Roger because without those two I'd be going crazy right about now!

Friday, December 09, 2005

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 04:25:52 GMT

Oh sh.t, it's really over ...

The reality of it all has finally occurred to me. My life blows soo much at the moment, and I'm not even being dramatic. As per the sh.tty Thanksgiving that went down at my house, my parents are kicking my brother out of the house, which sucks for me because he and I have always been pretty tight. My sister refuses to be civil with anyone which trust me affects me greatly. My uncle is hospitalized until God knows when which may mean my dad may spend Christmas in Florida with him. My house/room/bed is going to be taken over by people I don't really like in a few days time. My grades suck major ass, I haven't had a decent night's rest in over a month, and ... I'm single.

Everyone probably knows by now, but it really sucks being single cuz I just changed my passwords on my job and the somehow incorporated my anniversary, so now I have to spend another week (yes it took me that long last time) to find a new, less depressing one. Yes, it is depressing. Because although I know that everyone is right, and I should be like "f.ck that asshole" there's still a part of me that flutters at the thought of reconciling. Everyone keeps asking me what happened. Beats me... Apparently, even I don't know the half of it.

I've let it go ... for the most part. What I just don't get is how someone can say "I love you, I can't picture my future without you, and you're like my best friend" and then decide to throw it all away all because of an apology (that we all knew I wasn't really going to push him to do in the end.) That's some f.cked up bullsh.t right there. Certain people swear by the theory that he's found someone new and needed an excuse. Others think he's just "the dumbest f.ck on the planet." Personally, though I refuse to think about it, I'm inclined to believe both. Hell, at this point I'm inclined to believe anything more justified than, "I'm not apologizing to your sister."

I still love the guy, even though he, to quote Charlie, "did me the ultimate wrong." Why? I guess because real love never, truly dies. Is it sad that my love was more real than his? Yes. Is it pathetic that I stuck with it and fought for it daily, despite the constant prompts of those who "called it" and one lousy apology caused him to throw in the towel? Undeniably.

What's amazing is not once did I mention breaking up, yet he was always saying, "so you want to throw away a year and a half over this, that and the third" Good Lord, how oblivious could I possibly be? If he was looking for a reason to break up, I had it for 3 months now. It's f.cked up that I tried harder than he did, then he had the audacity to tell me that I have no feelings or emotions because I didn't cry while on the phone with him. Excuse me? So to build your sorry ego, I must cry? Whatever ... I'm not going to deny that I have cried my eyes out this past week, sadly even in front of people I barely even know. What's done is done. Maybe it's because I've only heard it from everyone that knows, everytime they see me, but it's his loss. Not that I'm trying to be conceited, but I really do think that I was a good girlfriend. Maybe too good. Oh well, I guess I shall learn from my mistakes.

It is what it is.

I'm not necessarily hating all men right now, but I'm definitely more guarded than ever. But hey, at least a couple of good things came out of this. Shopping in my anti-drug! My gosh, the amount of money I've spent since that day... and I still can't stop x) I've finally de-Matthewed my room, which means I get to go to the Coach store and replace a couple stuff. It feels good knowing that I don't need a guy to get me sh.t. I'm finally getting my camera this weekend and maybe one more pair of Citizens jeans.. or two.

Ehh well, that's my story. My rant for the day. blahhh ... lol

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 03:05:31 GMT

We may be on different pages, different paths, but I'm willing to attempt once more to make this work.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 18:50:05 GMT

How you can tell he is THE ONE

1. He knows how to make you smile when you are down.
2. He tries to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
3. He sticks up for you, but still respects your independence.
4. He's his own person and has his own life, even though you mean the world to him.
5. He comes up behind you and put his arms around you.
6. He plays with your hair.
7. His hands always find yours.
8. He's cute when he really wants something.
9. He offers you plenty of massages.
10. He dances with you, even if he feels like a dork.
11. He never runs out of love.
12. He knows how to be funny, but knows how to be serious.
13. He is patient when you take forever to get ready and realize that it's for him.
14. He reacts so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
15. He smiles a lot.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 01:03:54 GMT

The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis.
- Dante Alighieri

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Friday, December 23, 2005

Friday, December 09, 2005

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Wednesday, April 13, 2005